Richie Castillo
Mrs. Boresen
Expository Writing
Winter Break Narrative
1/13/09
The world stops for just a second when the countdown is down to its last moments, leaving the numbers beforehand in the past. The New Year is always a warm hearting and gives everyone a new mind set. Every year seems to get better and spending time with family and friends is something I wouldn’t want any other way. This New Year was special, one that will be a memory in my own little book of history.
It was the afternoon after sleeping in from the late night before.It was the day before the New Year. I was excited to put this year to sleep. Really just relaxing and letting time go by. Hours past and as soon as I knew it, I was heading to work. Oh I couldn’t wait to get to the pizza shop. Not the best thing to do on the New Years day but I got to make a living. Work was a laid back day with no boss and just delivering the pizzas to the hungry customers. On delivery I would start to plan out the rest of the day and start to think of my favorite memories of the past. Sooner or later it was already time to check out and complete a hard day’s work. Heading home was such a good feeling especially knowing the New Year was almost here. Already ten o’ clock I went home at haste. I took preparations like taking a shower and changing into a new set of clothes. I was feeling pristine and brisk. I got another set of clothes, primarily for running, and took it along with me. I was already running late to Aaron’s party so I got there as quick as I could. Finally getting to the party, I was greeted by Aaron’s family and headed towards downstairs. There I was overwhelmed to see that all my best friends were there and they all welcomed me. There were decorations and people doing different things like playing board games, playing video games, and of course people stuffing their faces with junk food. This is what made time go by so fast and why it was so amusing. It was just a great atmosphere and I could feel the excitement between every inch of my body. It was just so great to see my friends. The night went by so fast. I was doing as much I could to make the night and year perfect, but time was cutting short. Already reaching the final hour until countdown I assured everyone at Aaron’s party that I would return after visiting my family and doing my New Years tradition. So I hurried to my families party, luckily it was near Aaron’s party. I arrived at my family’s house to find the whole family. I addressed the family and spent about half an hour there until I made an announcement of my departure for my New Years tradition. So I scurried into running clothes and told the family ill see them next year. As soon as I stepped outside I could feel the crisp brisk air respirating throughout my body. I spent no time and started running to the nearest country road I could find. I felt like I was on a mission and time is ticking away into the past. I remember thinking only five minutes left so I started to run as fast as my legs could carry me. I was on the country road about half way when I heard my clock beeping notifying the last ten seconds of the year. I ran with every bit of strength I had and counted down, gradually getting louder. The last three seconds seemed like time slowed down. The watch struck midnight and I remember screaming on the top of my lungs, “Happy New Year”! Then I took a little time to appreciate life. It has been done so I returned as fast as I could. Along the way I could hear people screaming for the New Year. What I great chill emotion to feel for the brand new year. After returning, I spent the rest of the night with family and friends with new thoughts, new goals, and open arms. It was an extraordinary night to remember forever and to be told. I couldn’t wait for the year to kick off.
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I loved your descriptive tone and the intro. Make sure to keep that passion going throughout the entire essay. Parts were slow/dry. If that happens, use more adjectives or eliminate that part.
ReplyDeleteAudience and Purpose: 3.8
Format: 4
Total: 47/50
total 94%
you used some very good descriptive words in almost every sentence. your ending was also very moving and interesting. overall your entire essay was good.
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